The Naughty List

I’ve not been the best behaved. Here’s my short list of my most favourite misdemeanours, in no particular order…

Slept with my best friend’s brother, then got into bed with her after (very drunk.)
Had sex on a rugby pitch at night, and a dog tried to get involved.
Sex in a family member’s garden in Winter (not my fetish I assure you.)
Walked in on an orgy (“What, this isn’t the cloakroom?!”)
Being invited to a swinger’s event (by a colleague!) and deciding to go as it was “fuck it Friday.”
Listening to a prostitute giving such an OTT performance in the hotel room next to me, then ringing the room claiming to be the indisposed gentleman’s wife having a family crisis (Bitch please, I need to sleep.)
Seeing any man I’ve had an affair with, with his partner, and the look of sheer terror / oncoming cardiac arrest / horror on his face. Then going over and asking for directions to somewhere or other.
Writing on this blog (the best is yet to come, the devil truly does make work for idle thumbs…)
Making exaggerated and absolutely xxx-rated sex noises in bed – solely to piss off my butter wouldn’t melt neighbours.
Signing up the male within said butter wouldn’t melt couple to copious amounts of porn, catalogues and sex aid mailings (deserved, I assure you, more about him later…)