Month: April 2015

Incident Twenty: The End

Suffice to say things were reaching a bit of a dead end with Mr Weirdo. He was seeing another girl behind my back regularly, we hadn’t slept together in just over a year and following the fallout of Mr Xbox I was once again too nervous to leave.

That was until my cat died. I know it sounds pathetic, but my cat was 15 years old, I’d had him since I was a child, and where everything else in my life had seemed so chaotic, the cat was my one constant. I firmly believe that as we buried him, we buried a large part of me too.

I stopped eating. I lay in bed all day but rarely slept. I ignored messages from AWS1 and my few remaining other friends, as well as Mr Weirdo. I remember wanting to die but feeling it would be so much effort that I couldnn’t even do that.

Mr Weirdo began losing his temper. He barged his way into my home and dragged me physically from my home, forcing me to go to dinner at his. I sat all evening at their table weeping until even his mum took pity on me and told me I was excused.

Mr Weirdo demanded I start taking antidepressants, otherwise he would have no choice but to leave, “And believe me, nobody else will put up with this kind of behaviour”. I went to the GP, was given a course of Citaloprams, and hid them in my room. I never touched a single pill, but luckily showing Mr Weirdo the box had convinced him enough.

Onne of Mr Weirdos friends suggested to him that we should go on a date, the idea being that you treat it like a fresh start and new life is pumped back into the dead relationship.

I dressed up, did my hair and make up, then as soon as we got to the restaraunt (“I’m not paying for you, this is your fault, not mine”) realised I was too broke to pay and didn’t want to treat it as a new start. At all.

I began demanding to know why he was cheating on me. Mr Weirdo denied it even as he was texting her under the table. A frosty silence ensued. After the starters, I’d had enough. I insisted he drive me back home.

The journey was silent and tense, and then he took a wrong turn. I waited for him to turn back round, but he carried on. He stopped outside the house of the other girl. He parked.

“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then” he said.

I stared at him in disbelief, “This isn’t my house”.

He looked at me, looked at the house and blushed before cracking up laughing.

“Oops!” He says.

I kicked the car stereo in with my heels, and believe me that stopped him laughing. I had to walk back to my own home.

As soon as I got in, I changed the setting on my Facebook to “single” and ignored all his calls. After 3 days of being rejected he sent me a message saying he understood we needed to take a break so I could “fix myself” and then come back when I was ready. Much like the broken car stereo.

I held strong, fighting against my now automatic instincts to just go back because I had no energy for confrontation.

ASW1 was, as always, brilliant. She firmly told me I was right not to take him back, even though I wasn’t sure if I was strong enough or if it really was “just a break”.

That’s when I got the email from Dear Diedre.

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Incident Nineteen: Mr Xbox

Around the same time as I was making friends with AWS2, I also made friends with a guy called Mr Xbox. He was short for a guy, about my height, quiet and shy but with a great sense of humour. He had this way of finding a joke in any situation and when he told it to you it would feel immediatly like an in joke, something that the two of you alone shared. He had a way of making you feel like you were the closest person to him in the room.

We had been friends since the first break up with Mr Weirdo. Both of us by nature are flirtatious and so we quickly established a teasing/flirting dynamic which appeared promising. When Mr Weirdo came slithering back, we dampened the friendship a bit but not for long.

Whenever he got a girlfriend, Mr Xbox seemed very quick and very picky to dump them. Seemingly whenever they both disagreed on something. I’d heard rumours that he’d slapped one of them, but scoffed at the idea. He was so quiet! So short and slender! Him? No way!

However I couldn’t deny he had an intensity. Whilst Mr Weirdo finished Uni, me and Mr Xbox formed an unusually close relationship back at home. We would go out together occassionally in the group (before I edged out from them), and photos at the time show us always sitting together, his arm encircling my waist or me sitting on his lap. He didn’t really like big social outings so a lot of the time we’d sit at his house playing video games or sitting curled up in each others arms watching films at 3am.

We never slept together or even kissed, but everyone who knew us considered it a relationship, because in every other respect it was. We did almost kiss once- that awkward rom-com esque thing where you both stare into each others eyes and know if nothing breaks it, a kiss will ensue. But someone came into the room, we jumped apart and the momment was gone.

Mr Xbox wasn’t used to having female friends. He would get jealous (mostly of my other friends as oppose to Mr Weirdo) and possessive. Although I was treated much better than any of his real girlfriends (he took me on a daytrip to the City and bought me an expensive lunch for my birthday, his girlfriend got a phone sock from an HMV sale), there were rows.

The rows would escalate to screaming and being very vindictive. This one time I gave him the wrong directions during a drive and he stopped the car and pushed me out in the middle of nowhere, forcing me to call a friend for help. Another time he got so angry at me teasing him, his brother had to drive me back from his house.

But when we made up we very quickly fell back into something that felt oddly “special”, nobody else in either of our lives was able to compete with each other.

“It’s not about whether you sleep together,” a friend at the time said, “Neither of your relationships are positive. One is cold and controlling, the other is passionate but damaging. You get what you’re missing out of one from the other”

After almost a year of this, Mr Weirdo finished Uni and it became harder to keep the two relationships apart. Mr Xbox had already demanded once that I leave everyone else to be wuth him, and although it was too big a demand for my tastes, the relationship was druglike. I thought to myself, I’m going to end it with Mr Weirdo. Even if I don’t get with Mr Xbox, when I’m single I can at least have space to figure out how I feel about him.

And then, the punchline. Mr Xbox got a girlfriend. And his girlfriend was the same girl Mr Weirdo was sleeping with behind my back.

I found myself part of an awful situation, admittedly my own fault, where Mr Weirdo would tell me how sorry he felt for his mistress, how Mr Xbox didn’t treat her how she deserved and she needed a man (like him, just as an example!) who would love and respect her. Worse, all our mutual friends who knew that we had been “together” were messaging me asking was I okay. I felt humiliated.

I begged Mr Xbox to see reason, but from my position it wasn’t exactly a convincing argument. In a moment of regretable childishness, I told him his girlfriend was sleeping with my boyfriend and intoned we should have each others backs in such a situation. Like I say, convincing!

Anyway, Mr Xbox lost it and the final argument ensued. He threatened to text all my friends all the secrets I had told him, only for it to backfire when he realised I had told him none. I guess we hadn’t been as close as either of us thought. He and his family moved up North and although we did hash it all out years later, it was never really the same.

When he and his girlfriend inevitably broke up (her citing distance, him citing infidelity), she fell straight back into just being Mr Weirdos mistress.